I Haven't Been Entirely Honest

Things are rough out here in creativity land

Woah, woah woah. My brain is ready to explode.

If there’s one thing I hate, it’s whining. I far prefer to be optimistic, with a can-do attitude, both in public and in private. It makes me feel good to encourage other people, give them hope — and when I’m moaning, none of that happens.

But what about when the news is so horrifying that writing loses all its charm? We need so much energy and optimism to create, how do we survive when that’s in short supply?

Living in creativity land can be the pits

Most creative people are super sensitive. I know I am. As high as we get when we do well at something we adore, we can also totally fall apart when encountering lows. For instance:

The summer of 2020, which I think of as “the George Floyd summer,” I couldn’t write a word. Now, with the nightmare of Israel and Gaza, I’m finding any and all optimism hard to access. The dire state of the publishing industry is driving me crazy.

Am I just too sensitive?

Sensitivity is what makes us thoughtful, observant, imaginative, impassioned writers and artists, right?

But for me, being sensitive while living in creativity land can mean hours and hours in front of the computer writing dreck. Or surfing the internet mindlessly and hating myself for wasting precious time. Time when I could be creating something meaningful and perhaps even thought provoking.

As high as creatives get when we do well at something we adore, we can also totally fall apart when encountering lows.

Ros Chast is the BEST. I highly recommend her book, Can’t We Talk about Something More Pleasant, which is poignant and insightful

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How to avoid totally falling apart

So what do I do when I just don’t have the energy to care about the very thing I care most about in the whole world (other than my loved ones)?

Find others with shared interests

I’ve started hosting a monthly “Show & Tell,” an idea I got from a creative Facebook friend. It started small, with a few local writers and artists I know, and I’m hoping it’ll grow. The idea is this:

Maybe you started a photography project or a new short story, or are trying out an unexpected voice in a poem. Come share your idea and/ or images and words - the concept is to share works-in-progress in a supportive environment. It's not a critique session, but an exploration. It might be a great place to take a risk and try out totally new or experimental work.

I made a very tart lemon custard and we drank some cheap wine. It was so invigorating to talk with new friends about the risks they’re taking with their work. One writer’s book uses the shape of a woman’s body as its underlying structure. An artist friend has decided that after decades of silence she wants to tell her story on a stage. I shared that in my next novel, I’m writing part of it from the point of view of a house.

Wild and whacky is always energizing!

Get up and MOVE

Walking or running doesn’t do it for me — when I’m struggling, I need to do a physical activity that allows my brain to go on pause for a while.

My favorite yoga teacher, Tara, often comes to class with a guitar - or this strange accordion thing called a harmonium — and while we’re in shavasana, she chants or sings. I have no idea what the words mean, but I’m often brought to tears. Thank you Tara. My brain is cleared of worry and fear and my heart feels full.

It’s a relief to feel an emotion that isn’t wrenching.

When Tara plays this and sings, I am often brought to tears

What also works wonders for me is what I call “ecstatic dancing,” which is basically when you dance and don’t care one iota what anyone thinks. In my former life, I rarely had the opportunity to dance, but since we now live in Key West, there’s always a live band playing five minutes down the road somewhere and going dancing is easy.

My favorite place to do some “ecstatic dancing” is a dive bar called The Green Parrot. It’s a place for locals, and the bands are absolutely rockin’. Their motto is:

No snivelling!

Do something for others

Clichéd, I know, but when I support others, I feel more powerful and less stuck. I just signed up to be a mentor at our local high school. When I was struggling with my first novel, I taught in the prison system. It was kind of scary for me, and I learned a lot about myself. During Covid, I launched #firstfivepages for free and completed almost 50 of them.

I’d love to hear your own ideas about whether/ how helping others benefits you:

Turn up the volume

When we were shopping around The Forgotten Hours and the waiting was agonizing, I listened to this song on repeat. I was familiar with the Gloria Gaynor version, but there’s something about this cover that makes me want to SHOUT.

Courageous, furious, defiant: those are feelings that give me a sense of forward momentum.

Usually I’ll seek out music that’s energizing, but sometimes I want to be put into a trance. Then I’ll tap into the Waheguru mantra, which I first encountered when I worked with Nadia Colburn of Align Your Story.

Wahe means “wondrous” in Punjabi, and guru translates from Sanskrit as “teacher” or “remover of darkness.” It’s the repetitiveness that I find soothing. It clears the mind.

Indulge in a hobby

To be honest, my only hobby is reading. And while I can’t really recommend this book (trigger warnings galore)… I kind of do recommend it, at least for those of you with stomachs of steel.

Getting lost in a propulsive narrative is a sure fire way to get inspired.

I was writing a scene that includes violence, so I searched my dusty bookshelf for My Absolute Darling, by Gabriel Tallent (I first read it when it came out in 2017). It’s a story about a 14-year old girl who lives with her survivalist father in California and, as she matures, begins to see her father and her life with him for what it really is. It’s a case study of Stockholm syndrome with a big dash of stunning Californian wildlife and apocalyptic theory thrown in to spice it up and cool it down.

“Hard to Read, Harder to Put Down,” wrote NPR. I devoured it in three days.

I read this book so fast. It’s highly problematic, in my opinion, but also totally compelling.

Incidentally, I think there’s no way in hell this book would get published nowadays. A man writing an entire novel from the perspective of a 14-year old female abuse victim? Na-ah.

Writers like Jeanine Cummins, Kate Russell and Kosoko Jackson endured brutal criticism when they were suspected, and/or proven, to have written about things they themselves hadn’t experienced. The #ownvoices movement was born and lives on in various forms, including the idea that writers don’t have the right to make things up (even if they do it really well).

Pushing myself to go back to an old hobby, I’ve started a HUGE painting! I’m making it easy on myself by copying a fantastic image I found when I was in Ibiza (featured in this newsletter). I’ll show you the result in a few weeks. Or months. Or years, haha!

Make a point of dwelling on the positive

If I’m really stuck, I’ll read my good reviews on Amazon. Yup. It’s a hell of an exercise if you want to pump yourself up — just don’t let curiosity get the better of you and start checking out the latest one star reviews. STAY AWAY FROM THE NEGATIVITY.

Before I was published, I printed out positive comments writing teachers had made about my work and taped them above my computer so I could simply raise my eyes and see praise.

Humans have a negativity bias - we’re wired to focus more on the bad than the good. But even when a day feels wasted, we did something valuable. If I slow down and think about every single thing I achieved, no matter how inconsequential seeming, I usually see that it wasn’t so bad after all.

Hallelujah - why focus on the bad stuff? There’s good stuff out there too. For god’s sake, let’s linger on the positive!

A reader wrote this review on Amazon, for The Forgotten Hours. If I’m ever wondering why I chose this profession, I read this comment.

Indulge in a stiff drink

Sorry, but I’m trying to be honest here.

A good martini works wonders (it’s in my bio, after all!). One martini when I’m low and I feel a bit better. Two and I feel much, much worse.

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On writing

I wrote the first draft of this newsletter last week, when I couldn’t get world news out of my head. In the intervening week, I found my way back to writing — these techniques actually worked for me. What do you do when you’re stuck in the pits of creativity land?